The Memory of Who You Are (Between bodies)

Back So Soon?

The pull of my spirit towards my unborn body started as a small tug, easily disregarded. In the void, without a body, my last death had not been long past. The decisions we make in a body seem more definitive than when we’re pure spirit. The mix of spirit and physical body make us seem more real, and yet we’re not as real. There is nothing more real than spirit and nothing more solid than eternity in God.  But earthly desires can have a magic of their own, and it can be very difficult to remember who we really are, especially when we’re not in a body. The urge for my spirit to latch to the base of a spine and draw breath into newly born lungs was very compelling. I needed to put a form to my anger and hatred.

For a moment, the anger drained down in me, and out of the void came a voice, coalesced into a single being trying desperately to slow down my skimming from life to death and back again. Out of the mists of my running, angry dream, gently, quietly, a small voice of love and encouragement came to me with a message that nearly stopped this incarnation, and followed me into my new body, seating itself as a pure white aura around me.

You know you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to take on another body only to be disappointed again. Nobody is chasing you.  You have lived out many thousands of lives, running from one body to the next, hiding out for a short time only to be back here again and again. God isn’t angry with you. The truth is God has only love for you, and holds the memory of you as it was first thought. All you need is to awaken to your true self and this crazy, insane dream of yours will end and you will be with God, eternally loved.

You’re a woman?

Is that what you think? I had wondered. My presence to you will give you comfort, and I cannot cause you any more fear then you already have; it’s just not in our nature to do so. So female must be what makes you most comfortable. But no, gender is meaningless to us. It only means something to your dreaming mind.

 Everything you need to learn about your true self can be learned here, with us. And you may stay as long as you like. There is no rush to move on. Time for you now is not linear, as it is in physical form. Everything you believe about time has no meaning here. Time isn’t controlling you here.

But I made a pact to go back. I feel the urge to return, to get this right.

That’s your ego calling you. Your ego tells you that you need to be a body. It tells you that you’re not complete, and if you believe it, you will center on a new body and tumble back into the fantasy of human flesh. You’ve been so many different beings, finned creatures, winged creatures, furry creatures and, most recently, a woman on earth. But there is nothing to get right for you that cannot be completed here, with us, in a gentle and loving way.

That last life was a mistake. Should have been a man, could have protected myself then. I just need to be stronger.

Oh, beloved, if you could just, for one Holy Instant, stop running, you would understand that salvation is not something you can fight for, or run to, or find on a quest. Salvation is already yours, just for being an idea in God’s mind. There is nothing to learn; no one to fight for or against, no one who needs protection; attack doesn’t exist in reality, and no harm can come to who you really are.

The pull, the draw is strong. I must go soon.

Are you still there? I’m afraid.

I know you’re afraid my beloved. We never leave. It’s you who think we leave. But we’re always together. We’re always with you. When you go, remember, you are not a body, you are as God created you; a spirit on a human journey. You will be in the world, but never of it. And when you allow your mind to rest, you can always hear us; you can hear the voice of God; when you’re calm, the voice will come to you. Let it lead you and you cannot fail. Align your will with God and the way will be clear. And know that we, that God loves you. We are all one with you.

The voice faded as my spirit drifted back towards an earthly body. It would take me more than half of my life to remember these loving words, and another decade to hear the voice again.

The Memory of Who You Are

When the ego leaves you, you are left with a Holy remembrance of who and what you really are deep down, at your core. And when the ego returns it brings with it a cloudy pettiness that ushers in an entire host of duplicitous feelings that work to continue the idea of separation. As you get closer to forgiveness and the Holy Instant, the ego will become vicious and unscrupulous, working hard to keep you insane in an attempt to prevent you from discovering your true nature. The result is often physical illness, emotional breakdowns, disillusionment and depression. Rely on the Holy Spirit to work through these episodes. They sometimes take lifetimes to work through, but in the end, God’s will is for you to find your way home, and God’s will must be done. To think otherwise is arrogance of the ego. To think that you are more powerful than God, that you can cause God pain, unhappiness, that you have the power to do or say something that can alter God’s will is fallacy.

When Jesus said, I am the way, the truth and the life, he was referring to you, as well.

You are God’s chosen, and your path can never fail. So, rejoice when you feel farthest from your true home and know that God and all Its power are at work to help you succeed in your journey home. And when you feel like you are in some distant place, far from the bright spot in the firmament of heaven, one Holy Instant is all that truly separates you from your home.  It’s a gift given to you without your having to do anything. A gift that is yours no matter what you’ve done or said in your life.  The only requirement is forgiveness. Not God’s forgiveness. God has nothing to forgive. God sees only light, and all the darkness we’ve created cannot cover the light of God. But we need to forgive. Forgive ourselves for we know not what we do. Forgive ourselves for that which we have never done.

If you stand in a perfectly lit space and look out into the darkness, you can only see light; and the light that is with you remains unchanged. Your will is not stronger than God’s will. In fact, it is arrogance to think that something outside of God can even exist. The most evil person you can imagine is not strong enough to cover God’s love. The evil may seem strong, and it may seem to cover all the light in the world, but it is never true. Even the vilest of humans is only a Holy Instant away from God’s perfect oneness. And while it might seem like some are closer to God than others, this has never been true.

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