The Gift of Heaven in the Heartland
There was a moment a few years ago, after I had spent many years struggling with scars that had been accumulated over many centuries, and I had been traveling and was tired and lonely. I remember going to a small town in Illinois on a business trip, and I remember feeling so spiritually deserted that I dropped my bags on the hotel room floor and sat down on the edge of the bed and was about to cry when I was drawn to look over at the window. It was mid-January, so while it was probably only early evening, the sky had already darkened, and I looked over at the window and at first saw my own reflection. My mirrored shape was outlined in the window by the bathroom light behind me, and the room was vivid with bright colors that had been plastered on as wallpaper probably in the 1980s. This experience was in early 2007 but my memory fails me on the exact dates.
I sat there looking at myself in this dreary, clownish room thinking about how I had come too far to be in such a ridiculously appointed and insignificant space. I don’t know how long I sat there. It could have been only a second or two, but it could also have been an eternity, because time seemed to stop, or maybe it ceased to exist. And like wax melting in, around and through me, I was filled with a feeling that was at once impossible to explain, and yet it was also a feeling that I remembered. So, while the experience was new to me, I recognized it as an experience that I had remembered as well. This was one of several experiences that I have been blessed with, and when these feelings come over me, I am reminded of the true knowledge of God.
I had always imaged God speaking to me in words, or maybe I had hoped for that. Some direct evidence of a connection with Him (at the time I thought of God as a male entity, although I don’t any longer). Maybe He would say something, or I would see some visual expression or a sign that would point directly to Him. But I now realize that isn’t in His nature. God’s nature is Love, and so God speaks not in a language or words, but instead in a feeling, a memory that was planted at our spiritual conception. God thought us into being with Love, created us in Love, and so to remember God, we must remember with Love. My experience is that God and Heaven are metaphysical feelings of Love.
A few years later I would get a voice message from God, or at least one of His representatives. The voice never did say who he was. It was a male voice though. I was standing in my backyard looking out at some flowers and the lake that is adjacent to our property. I had just mowed the grass and was putting lawn furniture back and while I stood looking at the flowers, trees and water, I was treated to a view of nature that I had not seen before. My ego slipped away from me and I stood still, and a gentle peace came over me, and the trees, water, landscape and everything I looked at became one thing, blended by light, and the world and sky was of the same thing as well. And then that wonderful, remembering feeling gently enveloped me, and for a moment I was aware only of the connectedness of everything rather than its separateness. I don’t know how long I stood there, but then a voice, I say it was a voice, but really it was not a voice that was in my ear, and it wasn’t in my head either, it was behind my ear, outside and inside at the same time, and it was clear, but still quiet and gentle, and it was sort of young, too, or maybe timeless. And it said, “This is really cool, isn’t it?” and I stood there for a moment longer until a bird landed on my foot and suddenly I was back in my yard looking at the lake, just where I had left it.
Other, similar experiences have happened and each has brought with it a new conviction that the path I choose now is to align myself with God and willfully accept that I am God’s child and desire only God’s Love, which extends to you, now through me.